I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
