I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
