he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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