Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
