Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
