the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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