I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
