We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
