I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
