My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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