i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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