I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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