stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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