Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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