Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
