can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
