Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
