There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
