Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
