There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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