You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
