i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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