Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
