i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
