nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
