The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
