i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
