the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
