I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize