the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
