I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
