Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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