I faked an abortion last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
