I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
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So squirting runs in the family.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
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Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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