I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
