So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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