Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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