shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
