we have officially mastered the walk of shame
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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