it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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