We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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