He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
