Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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