so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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