I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
