Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dignity is for republicans.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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