You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
well you can't waste a boner
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
