I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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