I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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