An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
