You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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