If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
