so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
