Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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