when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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