His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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