the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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