you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I fill condoms, not promises.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
