distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
