You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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