too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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