I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
