If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
