It's Friday. Sex?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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