Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
