He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
