Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
