Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
