these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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