can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
