Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
