I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
