question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
